I wrote a book about this and plan to expand the book further. But I also wanted to write this blog and just give people something to learn from.
How to frame EVERY conversation you want to have:
First: You tell them what you want to talk about
Second: You tell them how you want to conversation to end.
Third: You get them to buy into your frame.
Example 1: Hey Sue, I would like to talk to you about the plan for tomorrow and I want to walk away feeling like we are on the same page. Does that sound good?
Example 2: Hey Adam, I would like to talk to you about some comments I heard you say. I want to leave with the understanding that that’s not going to happen again. Can we go ahead and do that?
What do you do when someone talks to you in a disrespectful way?
When someone says something disrespectful you can do a few diffferent things.
1 – You can ask them to repeat what they said?
2 – You can repeat to them what they said?
3 – (my favorite) You can ask questions based on what they said. Qustions like:
A- Did you mean for that to sound rude or disrespectful?
B- What response were you hoping I would give here?
C- Did it feel good for you to say that?
D- Did you expect that to embarrass me?
When you are asking questions and responding like this, then you stay in control of the conversation. You are keeping a cool head on your shoulders and responding in a more positive and appropriate way.
Hopefully by you responding in this way, you and the other person can then sit down and have a real conversation about what is going on and leave that conversation in a better way than when you entered it. Now that won’t always happen, but we can always try and hoping for the best.
How do you handle uncomfortable topics with your partner?
Things like you don’t like their weight gain or you don’t find them attractive.
One of the best bits of wisdom I found for this was to take the word “You” out of the conversation. Don’t every use it. Once you use the word “you”, then they have to build a wall to protect themselves.
Use “I” instead. “I’m struggling being attracted to you right now.” “I’m concerned about your health.” “Im struggling here … I’m worries about you…” Using those words is the actual truth of the matter. Doing this creates an invitation. An invitation between you and them to sit down and have a conversation.
How do you calm someone down, when you dont know whatis bothering them?
Here is a amazing little trick:
Name an emotion and have them correct you.
Example: Are you “upset?”
You will get a response like “No I’m not upset, I’m sad (Or whatever emotion they are feeling).
Now you can better understand the person and be on the same page for the rest of the conversation.
Are you responsible for what people hear or what you say?
Here is a great story about how people don’t always here what you say.
A lady was being cross examined by a lawyer. He went date by date said ” You said you where okay.” She responded with “I would have never said i was okay. I was in pain for months”. The lawyer kept going for weeks and said, “Do you have any explanation sitting here under oath, how you can claim that you did not say what has been written here 23 times by your physical therapist?” The lady looked at him and very calmly said “I am responsible for what I say, not for what other people hear.”
Meet our team
Our comprehensive suite of professionals caters to a diverse team, ranging from seasoned architects to renowned engineers.
Francesca Piovani
Founder, CEO & Architect
Rhye Moore
Engineering Manager
Helga Steiner
Architect
Ivan Lawrence
Project Manager
We’ve worked with some of the best companies.
FAQs
What is your process working in smaller projects?
Études offers comprehensive consulting, management, design, and research solutions. Our vision is to be at the forefront of architectural innovation, fostering a global community of architects and enthusiasts united by a passion for creating spaces. Every architectural endeavor is an opportunity to shape the future.
Who is behind Études?
Études offers comprehensive consulting, management, design, and research solutions. Our vision is to be at the forefront of architectural innovation, fostering a global community of architects and enthusiasts united by a passion for creating spaces. Every architectural endeavor is an opportunity to shape the future.
I’d like to get to meet fellow architects, how can I do that?
Études offers comprehensive consulting, management, design, and research solutions. Our vision is to be at the forefront of architectural innovation, fostering a global community of architects and enthusiasts united by a passion for creating spaces. Every architectural endeavor is an opportunity to shape the future.
Can I apply to be a part of the team or work as a contractor?
Études offers comprehensive consulting, management, design, and research solutions. Our vision is to be at the forefront of architectural innovation, fostering a global community of architects and enthusiasts united by a passion for creating spaces. Every architectural endeavor is an opportunity to shape the future.
Enhance your architectural journey with the Études Architect app.
- Collaborate with fellow architects.
- Showcase your projects.
- Experience the world of architecture.
English